dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
