Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you win again, gameday.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
