My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
