And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
