I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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