Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
