dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
