I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
