It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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