First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
