His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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