Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
