It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
