I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
