there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
