I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
