The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
