Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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