This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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