I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
