I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
