So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
