You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
