How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
