Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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