Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
