The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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