i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
