I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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