how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
