one two three fourrrrnication!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
