Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
