we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
