What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
