they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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