in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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