Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
