I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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