It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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