You made me cry and you don't even care
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
