I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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