weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
