she looked like the before picture.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
