I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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