Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
