Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
