I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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