Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
