You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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