saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
