1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
