I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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