i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
