it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
