he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
