I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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